I'm gonna laugh. Sarcastically.

I'm not gonna try to be a diamond in the rough,

But I'm sure I'm doing the right thing.

You know, Jessie J once said in one of her songs,

   "When I nervous, I hate this thing that I talk too much.

     Sometimes I just can't shut the hell up.

     It's like I need to tell someone, anyone who'll listen,

     ....and there's where I seem to fuck up."

Somehow, that lyric is kind of give you a picture about me and how do I react in every problem that encountered. I know if in the end all that I need to do is just shut up and pretend like everything's okay... but I just can't live that way. To be honest, I'm not that kind of guy who'd like to have enemies. I'd like to build a good, healthy relationship with the people around me.

But... a problem is always a problem where I seem to can't get out from the feeling of having problem itself. I wanna be good, and do good, and that's not only for me, but also for the people around me. I wanna help people when they need one, cherish them when they want me to, and you know, just be good. Not in the account of gaining their sympathy or empathy, but... I'm just like that. I'd like to avoid mistakes and problem if I could, but sometimes they just come and come and leave me wondering about what to do.

Like, seriously, my life has been like a joke recently. I told people that I've put my trust onto someone, then I break it. I wrote things that isn't coming out clear so people would buy it, but then I totally, totally lost it.

God oh God, isn't it a joke?

wait, I'm gonna laugh in pain, sarcastically. 

It's always hard for me to be apart from something that used to be close to me. No matter if they're my pets, my family, my friends, or anything else. Once I committed to put my trust, I do it wholly. It's not a joke when you've promised something, but then you walk away from that promise. No honey, I'm not like that. I'm keeping everything closely to me. Privately. Utterly. Un-seperated-ly. But, otherwise, if the promise is broken and somehow I lose my way to fix it back, then I don't know what to do. I might be keep thinking about it, but, oh why should I? 

It's all simple, actually. Why don't we just become more honest? Yeah, more honest. It may sound cliche, but try it. Just be honest to everyone around you, before you might hurt them by the act that you do, or things that you said. I think, never is gonna be wrong enough when we're honest and cool with the situation that happen. Or--we should probably just... be more humble. And by that, I mean we could just be humble in most of our life. You make mistake? Ask for a forgiveness! You are annoyed of something? Let's talk about it!! Nothing is complicated, but we make it more than complicated. 

While some may say I don't need to be overwhelm by it, I'm totally doing it. I'm keeping it casual, with no hard feelings, no regret, nothing at all. I know if this's just gonna past, just like rain in a hot, sunny day. I believe that everything will be back in time.

But, no matter how much I say that everything's gonna be okay in the end, the thoughts of it always keep lingering around my head until I get sick. 

But maybe I'm not the one who got sick. But SOMEONE is. 

yours truly,

F.