Dua hari lagi.
Serius, dua hari lagi.
Sejak kemarin gue sudah ketemu untuk yang 'terakhir kalinya' dan sekarang gue tambah kepikiran?
Oh God, I shouldn't be this way.
Dear diary,
I'm too sad for hearing one of my favorite teacher will be leaving on june, 2nd. Gue pikir untuk memberinya sebuah 'sovenir' akan heal apa yang gue rasa. Tapi ternyata tidak... yang ada semakin parah. Semakin hari berjalan, waktu terus berdetak, malah makin makin makin kepikiran. Contohnya gini, dari beberapa malam terakhir ini, gue selalu ngimpi tentang dia. Bahkan, setelah ketemu dan puas ngobrol-ngobrol sama dia kemarin, gue masih saja memimpikannya semalam.
Gue sendiri gak tau, kenapa bisa separah ini. Waktu sebelum tau kapan dia balik, gue biasa-biasa aja. Malah cuma yang "Oh, ada dia." Tapi sekarang, ketika gue tau dia harus balik, gue malah yang terobsesi, berlebihan, dan memang gak bisa ngapa-ngapain selain 'kepikiran' terus. Bahkan, gue kehilangan rasa untuk makan, saking parahnya.
Kenapa ini semua terjadi ya?
Itu lah pertanyaan yang selalu gue tanyakan. To be honest, I don't like him 'that way'. I even don't love him 'that way'. But there must be something, right? All that I know he's a nice man, helping me a lot for my assignments, and he's just... cute. But it's not about cute, but there must be something else. There's just a part of him that I like. How he appreciate his students, how he teach, how he talk, or I don't know. I don't wanna get too overwhelmed by all of this, but that must be true. I don't really know what's happened with me. Why am I too serious of letting him go? If, fear, is the only thing that makes me so, why should I fear? Why should I afraid of letting him go?
"June, 2nd..."
"Yeah, June, 2nd..."
"Too sad..."
"Yeah, too sad. Even million times, too sad."
That was what I could picture when we were talking. It is too sad for me (and of course the other students) and so does him. I'm just afraid he will forget. That's it. He will forget the people here. He will forget the foods here. He will forget about everything here. I am afraid. It's like I couldn't explain clearly no more, I'm just too afraid. But maybe it's been a long way for him to be in here, and he needs to go back too. "I'm sad to leave you guys, but I'm also happy for coming back home again." That was what he told me when I explained him why I'm afraid. I could think in the same way. "I'm afraid if you go, and you'll go away with everything. But... yeah, maybe that's right. You need to get back and doing another journey in your life." I wanted to cry that time. But I was hoping to not ticking the tears.
"We keep this love in this photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Our hearts were never broken
Times forever frozen still.."
So, I listen 'photograph' a lot by ed Sheeran, and just sing along. There are only photographs which I have. Only photograph could help me from freezing the memories. Well... I guess that's it. I'm happy and sad at the same time regarding about his leaving. I'll get over my feelings soon. I'll just take it easy. So yeah, I guess I'll be okay.
"Everybody comes and go, and we can't expect for it."
- me.
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