this isn't really over (for me)




I was reading all my thoughts and I got to think that it's been awhile since everything happened 
It was a year ago and months that's passed
A lot of "what ifs" questions for this unreal situation
Trying to be better everyday, that's what I've been praying for 
And hopefully, my heart's home and just no more..

I've been feeling fine, even though I may have failed
Been working 24/7 just to forget and move on
But I'm only human, I'm still learning how to let go peacefully 
Without the thought's of keep wanting you back
Cz babe, I know you won't 
I always know that you won't 

So many signs of me missing you
And probably the signs of you're missing me too
But still, we're on our own 
Kill those fantasy of us, like it never happened before 
We're just so good at keep training our heart and mind 
So we won't need each other 
Cz we don't need each other

The part when you left me was harsh 
It's like an atomic bomb, or tornado, for impulsively swirling around my head or heart 
Been trying few times to get you back but still I got nothing from you
Keep having this rough war inside my mind for you 
   for the question "stay or let go?"
What's in the world I didn't give except the distance that I can't argue about?
Sometimes I still think that I deadly need you here 
Even though it feels impossible 

It's funny how it turned out 
I got lonely and feeling hot but 
I still have that fierce, demonic wishes for wanting to be with you 
Just let me have a peaceful night, and have that sweet dream even it's without you 
Now I feel numb and just nothing 
Even the worst part, I have to keep pretending
Acting so fucking fine like nothing happened for those around me

Call me I'm bluffing, I don't really care 
Call me I'm lying, you'd always think about me that way 
But one thing for sure, babe
I might lost you but there, I found myself 
I've missed you so much but... 
Saying goodbye won't hurt so much
Than have to stay when all you do is walking away


FFF
June, 20th 2024

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