traumatized

I knew it'd be ended up in the way I never wanted to

Canceled plans, only just to text with you

I got myself drowned too deep, maybe a little deep, in the name of loving you

When you know, it's a forbidden things for me to do

But soon I realized, none of it were true

You made me belive that everythings would be okay, in the mean time

You painted me all red, white and blue

Just like the way you wanted to, you lured me in 

But when I fell for you, you hide in your room 

Heartache is something familiar 

Got me tired and sick of playing the same old games 

I'd be count till 10, deciding if I should left 

But for you, you made it only 3, then you left 

And got me feeling confused, heart was all blue for imagining things with you

Untill I realize that you wouldn't come back but still kinda hoping if you'd do

Time is ticking and keep staring at me 

Mocking me with their tick tock, round and round, for staying the same, 

   the feelings of wanting you back

Even though I know you'll never come back 

Took me for months to finally breathe and let it all out so free 

I am now finally clean and free

I know sometimes I am too naive to ever want you back

I know sometimes I don't anticipate things to come 

I know sometimes this world is full of shit especially for us

And I know, somehow losing you is something I never wish, but it's real

You got me trauma, traumatized of hearing the word l.o.v.e

Hypnotized, like I never wanna accept things to come

I don't know how to heal, or when will I heal

Guess I'm just gonna stay where I'm at until I'm coming off free

But how about those sweet memories of us?

I know what to do, I just don’t want to

Told me you’d never leave me, but here I am

In the middle of the night, still calling out your name

Why it’s all so fair to me?

Why it should be ended in a cruelest way?

What if I’d never find somebody like you, or vice versa?

Don’t you think it’s gonna kill you too knowing that I’m gone?

Do you miss me the way I’ve been missing you?

I have so many questions in mind, but I’m gonna let them all go

Cs not knowing is best when I’m not ready for the answers, or reasons

But I’ll always be here, and you’ll always have me on your side 

I’m not okay, but someday I’ll be okay 

I’m just gonna let all the memories fade in time

And finally let you go, in time.

FFF

August, 17th 2023