I'm 26 and I should do better, I know
Don't remind me to put back my smile after it's been gone too long
You just know my name, not the whole story I have
So, I just want to say if I'm..
I think I'm...
I'm giving up for everything, literally anything, in life.
If I say that I'm in the middle of a life crisis,
would anyone buy it without thinking that I'm a loser?
I'm a loser?
Am I a loser?
Maybe I am, yes. Maybe I'm not, no.
I'm just tired of living this empty path, not knowing where to go after all this time
... I'm telling myself that it's ok not to be okay, it's ok to have such a bad day
But that day seems like never gonna end and always going on and on and don't know when will it stop.
Do I deserve this?
Maybe I do, yes. Maybe I don't, no.
When people tell me to always believe in myself and I do,
I don't see anything. It's like my fate. My unwanted fate.
I'm lucky enough to have such a loving partner in life,
He loved me more than I've loved myself.
When I'm not okay, he'll be around to help me cope.
But guess what? I'm only in love with him, nothing more.
Let me tell you,
Mother-in-law is just fine,
Brother-in-law is RICH,
but it seems like I'm never able to be the same path with them.
Do I have sympathy? Or at least to feel a bit empathy?
Don't ask me that, 'cause acts speak louder than words.
Why do I turn so cold and heartless to them?
Ask them.
Do I okay with this?
Absolutely NOT. I don't want this. I want to end this.
But somehow I get lost and let all this feeling and emotion to control me.
Is it my mistake?
Oh dear, how many times have I tried and finally it's better for me to stop.
... that's because I didn't get what I wanted to get.
Life is about balance and don't lie to me if you're gonna do the same if you're me.
I'm 26 and I should do better, for the god's sake I KNOW!
If I could only turn time, I just wish I was asleep forever...
or just... wasn't born at all.
I'm getting bored for wishing the life I want,
I'm getting bored to wait for things to magically happen,
but maybe I'm just...
I'm just getting bored of this hopeless, emptiness, unwanted life.
But I'm 26, and I should do better.
FFF
(July, 20th 2020)
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