dreams.

I believe in dreams.

Since I was young, I've always been a dreamer. I dreamed of being a doctor, a successful career woman, or just... someone who enjoys their lives. I've been always dreaming about the things which are partly dangerous, like being with someone or just spend the night with pals. Having fun and laughing hard through the night while wearing fancy clothes and drink wine.

That's what I call as a dream.

But, over the time, I'm starting to lose sight of my dreams. Life becomes real and I'm shaken to realize that not everything is possible to happen. There are ups and downs in this life and most importantly, it is about how to cope or try to live with it. I'm not a pessimist, also not an optimist. I'm always able to balance the matters that come in my life. I'm always able to take a step and know what to do, even though sometimes... It's hard for me to stand by my own decision. Yes, I'm so fucking insecure sometimes.

People may tell me that I'm one of the bravest, the heartless, even the best badass girl you know. But I think they all got it wrong that I'm not even like that at all. I'm not really brave, cause sometimes I might just hiding under my blanket or hoodie just to avoid things. I'm not heartless that I don't intentionally use my emotions in responding things. Most importantly, I'm not that 'best' badass girl you know, cause sometimes I also feel weak and feeling small. The truth is, I can act both. I'm able to know how to put myself in every condition or situation.

One night I might feel like I'm a queen,

One night I might feel like I'm a witch,

Other nights, I might feel like I'm beyond and hard to touch.

I don't know if those count as a girl "emotions" or I have such complicated, undescribable mind.

But again, I believe in dreams. I do believe in the magic of it. One day I had a dream to wake up next to someone I love, I'd done it. One day I had a dream to get drunk while losing my mind to not thinking straight, I'd done it. One day I had a dream to be awake in the middle of the night, watching the night lights, talking about stupid things with someone I love, I'd done it. I don't know why, I don't think I don't have the power to make the rule of my dreams to come true, but it did. 

Everything that I've been dreaming about before, everything I wish to come true. 

It did come true. 

Even though I know, every dream has an end, and so are all my dreams...

So I go back to sit and gonna let it all burn fiercely. 

Dreams sometimes can be real, and reality sometimes can be a memory. You might forget it, but deep inside, there will always be your dreams and memories. You can't just let it burn in peace. You might lose it, but you will still feel it. You can tell the whole world that you've stopped chasing the things that might aren't real, but you can't deny that you can still have it. 

That's the magic of dreams. 

It haunts you. 

It wakes you up. 

It burns you down. 

It tears you apart. 

But one thing for sure, 

You can't forget the dreams you're having, cause it might turn into reality, one day.

You can't deny forgetting the memories of your dreams, 

Cause deep inside, you know, 

You will get it someday. 

xx, F.

(May, 10 2018)