At first I don't know what to write this night at 0:49 o'clock. I feel like all of my body is freezing. Rain's dropping and I like the smell of it. So fresh and it's just where I can start to write again without knowing what's the topic that I'm gonna write.
The first step is, just write. So I'm writing. And maybe what I'm gonna write in here is about.. Andrew Garfield? The one who played as Eduardo Saverin on The Social Network or, The Amazing Spiderman. This man is totally cute. Love to see his eyes, pointed nose, messy hair, cute smile, so on, whatever. I firstly knew him cause I watched The Amazing Spiderman 4 which was great. I'm in love with all of spiderman's series. But I don't wanna talk about Andrew Garfield or his movies. I wanna throw up my anger. I wanna throw something here, in my blog. And it's all about that fucking friendship.
Just a few weeks ago when I knew that my ego was big and became so sensitive, I messed everything up. I messed my hair, I messed my bed, I even messed my close relationship with my friends. I got one and I thought she was my closest friend, more than the others. But then someone came and she became our closest friends too. Well I'm not gonna be a bitch or backstabber by talking about their bad side or not. I'm just feeling soooo fucking mad on anything. It's hard to explain, it's hard to be told, but I just can't bear this. I can't always keep my disappointment feeling deep inside my heart.
Somehow, even though I've been writing all of this problem right before I write this one, I can still feel about being ignored. I mean I can see the difference between being ignored, ignoring, or ignore. All have the difference and I know where's my position is. I am being ignored by them. Just imagine, how hard I'm trying to fix this things, but they still ignore me like that. It hurts, but life must go on.
So maybe this's the last paragraph on my blog. Maybe I was so wrong to be so childish like that. Feeling angry when I'm just about being ignored. Feeling lonely when I'm just about being surrounded by them. Well you know what? I'm pretending this's fine. Between us. It just no. I can feel it different. From the way you look at me, or whatever. Maybe you've forgotten about the time you cried after that speaking class, and I called you for asking if you're okay or not. Maybe you've forgotten about the laughs that we made. About the structure's website that I told you it's kind of our little secret and because I told you "it's our little secret" and you mean I'm stingy enough to not to published it, I know. About everything that had happened between us. Maybe in some other words, I can say if loosing a friend that I thought I know them well is just the same as as you loose your virginity or a boyfriend. Sick, but you don't know what to do even though you're trying harder to fix. But maybe all of my words in here are just senseless to you. That's because you're already hate me. I know it.
I just want you back with me. Trust me again. Let's build the bridge that's almost break down. Let's just pretend if everything's okay. I want us, like what we used to.
Thank you :)
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