I read my notes here
“to the moon and back”, that’s what it said
I opened it, hopefully not to shed another tears
But in the end I realized that
I was once so close to you,
So motivated because of you
You, who are a stranger to me now
I know I may promise myself to not dig in
where the memories lie
But I can’t help it, I just miss you so much
It was all started 11 years ago
December next to January, Febuary and ended in April
the month I wish I could skip
So painful to be remembered and to think about
But yeah, it’s okay to remember about it sometimes
Now I could think that its not about the person,
Cz he made me questioned everything
I think it’s all about what I wanted him to be
to romanticize everything…
Honestly it was so damn good between us
Oh, But what did we know?
You threw me away and you seemed just fine
While I, almost lost my life because
I was so dumb and naive
You’re right, I was so dumb and full of shit
You might laugh at some other sides, I never know
“There she comes again”
“Look, who can’t move on”
“Oh well, you can’t just stop, can you?”
While me, here, keep praying that it’ll be over soon
But can you feel what I feel?
Do you feel what I feel?
And what would you do if you know how it feels?
I bet, you’ll just do nothing and pretend like you’re fine, all the damn time
Is it too much?
God, tell me if I’m too much
I just wanna feel okay for now and forever
I don’t wanna waste another time on you, or what’s left behind
I just wanna let go of that thoughts that’s been haunting me since the day you left
I wanna write about other things instead of this or that
I just wanna move on and have a life
Even without you, I’m just gonna be fine
Cz I know what I’ve been doing to you is only a waste
Reaching out to you? Feels like nothing
And you made it very clear that…
(maybe) it’s best for you to leave and forget,
than to fucking start all over again
FFF
Jan, 8th 2024
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