Sometimes...

  

  Sometimes when I'm alone, I still remember about him. The way he talked, the way he walked, the way he smiled at me, the way he laughed, like anything.. I still remember about him. I don't know why. I mean after this several months we haven't met, I feel like I can't give up on this. It is stupid, I know. It seems so stupid even dumber when you hold onto something tight, but its all like a fragile line. You don't know whether you have to fight for this, or get over this as soon as you can. You are just too confused to take the decision.

   Sometimes when I see my phone, I'm still hoping that it is from him. A text from him. A text that used to made me feel like I'm the one and only for him. But.. it is no. It is from someone else. My friends, mostly. I even still re-read about our old conversations or texts on my phone. I laugh, but then I'm sad. Just like that. Why I can be sad like that? I never thought that we could be like this. I never thought that we could give up on this. Actually, if only he still cares and perhaps got a little feeling for me, I'll fight until the end of time. Mark my words, I will fight. 

   Sometimes when I'm flash-backing to last May, 2013, I can't sleep. Really. It was supposed to be my luckiest day I've ever felt in my entire life. I was happy. I came to his house, we talked, we laughed, we shared, we did anything, I saw him driving his car to the garage, and I thought, "Can I be the first girl that you'll take and sit beside you in that car?" and I smiled. He often looked at me, and so did I. I couldn't help my self to stop smiling, because that was my luckiest day ever. Even people around us guessed that we already got that kind of relationship.

   Sometimes when I see your name on my bbm, I still remember about how often we were talking until we sad that night. You told me bunch of your experience, your friends, your family, and so on. I listened to you, because you've successfully took my heart. The night when you told me, that your ex-girlfriend cried a lot when you left her, and I asked you, "But you will never leave me, right?" and you told me, "No of course. As long as the earth circling it's rotation." I was happy. I couldn't do anything to prove how happy I was.

   Sometimes when I see your picture showing online, I go back to think, "Hi, I'm asking you for this once again, will you fight or will you get over this?" Even though I know, that he probably answer "You're there and I'm here, it is impossible for us to fight for this anymore, so I'm done." Actually, I haven't asked him about that, but that was just my imaginary thought about it, knowing that we're so far away. But all that I know is, distance really doesn't matter if we have commitment and willingness to stay together. 

   Well, the last, sometimes when somebody ask me about my love life, I still mention your name, like thousand times. But maybe I know that we are over now. You are there, you are busy with your things and I am here, I am busy with my collage life. So.. it is not all my mistakes if sometimes I still remember about you. Sometimes when I miss you so hard, I'm confused, should I tell you this, or just let it go? I've ever told you once and you told me that you miss me too. 

   I hope.. there will be no other "sometimes when I..." I know, that I'm still haunted by you. I will get over this as soon as possible. I promise you. I can't say anything else, just... be happy.

- from the girl who love you.