It's been alright, it's been okay lately...
I just don't think I'm fine enough to live my life lately...
"I think one of the saddest things is when two people really get to know each other: their secrets, their fears, their favorite things, what they love, what they hate, literally everything, and then they go back to being strangers. It's like you have to walk past them and pretend like you never knew them, never even talked to them before, when really, you know everything about them."
You know sometimes things are not working between us with the people around us. I don't wanna talk about the problem that I have here, because I'm afraid if there are some people out there who'd think that I'm childish enough. So I prefer to not to write about my problem here. And what am I supposed to write here? Oh maybe about the life since I lost my two best friend.
Firstly, I just feel like I'm finally free to make friends with anyone that I want to. No no I mean I'm more open now to everyone or maybe some new things that I think I'm belong to. I feel like I'm great enough to be on my own so that it's like "so whatever. I'm doing it my way, and I'm gonna do it my way." I want to be more focus for the collage things and stuff so I can reach my future easily. I'm just hoping for the best... But you know I'm doing my best to compete with you guys. To have a real positive competition.
But sometimes people are people and things aren't right. You'll feel so down and you don't know where to hold. You just wanna get lost to one place that you've never been too. Trust me, fighting with your friends is obviously one of an uneasy feelings to feel. You are sad, but somehow you are dissapointed at the same time. You don't know what to say, you don't know what to do, until your friend starting that. You're feeling like 100% sure you said the right thing but something just mess it up. You'd tell them, "I know this's my mistakes." But you're sure about that. This is not fully your mistakes but you don't know how to say. And in another side, you'll hide until everything is fine. But the question is, when will everything's gonna be okay when none of your "best friend" say a thing?
Or maybe I'm the one who's really selfish of anything. Maybe I'm the one who's really childish for this. But you know I could be like that because I have reasons why. Maybe you'll never realize or understand about the reason why. But I won't tell you about the reason, because if I do, then it's gonna be useless. Maybe this's the time for me to calm down for some time until everything is fine. I'll be back soon as I'm used to, it just not now. I still need some times to figure out about this. I don't wanna break our friendship just because some "potty little thing" that's not really important for us. I don't wanna say if this's your mistake or my mistake, because we've already grown up so we know what's wrong or right.
But you know I'm always trying to do my best for everything. I wanna make friends with everyone. I wanna live happily without "hating each other". I just wanna be a good girl.
- Thankies
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